Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

Stuck in the Middle Again 

 For years after my abortion I longed to talk to someone
who would legitimize the pain I was feeling. I guess you gravitate towards
those who will meet your needs. I was filled with guilt and shame and deeply
mourning the baby I had lost, in silence. Our society does not speak about
abortion, unless it is in the context of the political debate.

Friends and family seem to think that if it is ignored
you can go on with your life as if nothing has happened. Those of us in touch
with our pain often find in time, the pro- life side to enroll with. Knowing
too well that we killed our unborn child and how terrible it was, we feel a
sense of connection, for after all, they are trying to end the destruction of
the unborn.

Those of us who have fled from the guilt and pain
through denial often find themselves in the pro-abortion ranks, defending
abortion at any cost. To do otherwise would mean having to look at the reality
of what we have done. It seems noble to protect a woman’s right to choose. Even
necessary.

 I have often likened it to the story of Judas who
betrayed the innocent life of Christ. Instead of trusting in the love Jesus had
for the apostles, and believing Jesus had their best interest at heart, Judas
took the situation on himself. He thought he knew better. Not unlike those of
us who found ourselves pregnant and in a difficult situation. Jesus was not
doing things the way Judas wanted. Neither one of us listened to Him.

 The Scribes and Pharisees were looking for someone to
sell Jesus out and Judas fell right into their hands, betraying Jesus for 30
pieces of silver. We who were pregnant fell into the hands of a "woman’s
choice" society.

 After the arrest of Jesus, Judas felt instant remorse.
The reality of what he had done sunk in and Judas realized what a grave mistake
he had made. Filled with grief and shame, he returned to the Scribes and
Pharisees and gave them back the 30 pieces of silver, but they wanted no part
of him. They had accomplished what they had set out to do and now told him in
his despair “what do we care about that…it is your business.” An echoing of the
denial of the after effects of abortion on women in our society.

 I am sure Judas thought he could never approach those
who were mourning Jesus either, for he thought they would hate and judge him
and would never understand his reasons for the betrayal, as wrong as they may
have been. I am sure there were voiced thoughts among those who loved Jesus of
“how can anyone do this” or “I would never do that if I were in his situation”.
Judas left alone, gave in to despair, went and hanged himself.

 It is too bad Judas didn’t realize that the one he could
go to, the one who would have understood was Jesus Himself. There he would have
found forgiveness and mercy and I am sure, would have become the greatest
apostle, singing the praises of God.

 The isolation often felt by post abortive people in our
society speaks in volumes, the same message…”you killed your child…"we do
not want to talk about it"…"it is your problem”. Yet the abortion
debate continues to be one of the biggest issues in each election our country
has.

 The chants of a woman s right to choose are echoed in
the pro-abortion candidate’s statements and speeches, as are the rights of the
unborn in the pro-life candidates. But no one is willing to speak or to listen
to the millions who know the real truth about abortion, those who have lost their children… those who have lost their children. 

Many post abortive people follow the path of Judas with
self-destructive behavior. Their lives are filled with despair, addictions,
promiscuity, shame, guilt, and yes sometimes even suicide. Others of us have
been blessed in time, and have gone to the ones who can heal us; God and our children,
who are only too happy to offer us forgiveness and mercy. I’d like to think
that we then become as Pope John Paul II says the "greatest advocates for
life". As the love shown to us by God increases and we find healing, we
are dedicated to proclaiming the mercy and love of Jesus and are equipped to
combat the evil of abortion with the truth we know full well

Things have improved, there are post abortion ministries
and some outreach by the church, but our words still often fall on deaf ears
treating us as if we had no right to voice an opinion at all, for after all, we
are ones who willingly killed our children. We can seek healing, but no one
wants to listen to what we have to say. We need to keep in our place, still
separated from our children. Like before our abortions, everyone else is all
too ready to proclaim what is right and tell us what to do leaving us feeling
compelled to pick sides depending on what we ourselves are experiencing.

I have found the truth is in the middle of this debate. Abortion is always wrong because it takes the
life of an unborn child, but I also know that the lack of compassion and
understanding and the quickness to judge those who have had abortions is also
wrong. Although their bodies are still alive, these PA children of God have no
life in them, for their souls are most times dead.

 I believe abortion continues because both sides think
they have the answers. "A women’s right to chose", "Save the
unborn". The pride is often so strong that they too are committing the sin
of Judas…they think they know better than Christ does.

 I understand. Who am I to judge. Me who have needed so
much mercy and have been forgiven and blessed to come to know in such depths
the love of Christ. So, I reach out to those still suffering in the hopes my
healing will give them the hope they need to be healed. I listen to their pain
and legitimize their feelings…they are right on target. Most of all, I thank
God that I am stuck in the middle now, knowing abortions truth through the light of His love

Theresa Bonopartis