Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

Just came across this..I wrote it a few years ago..it is over a year that Mike has been out of the Marines. It was a good reminder to me, because I still do the same things…

Scripture
tells us “You will seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all of
your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). Do you seek God “with all your heart” or do
you still withhold parts of your heart from Him?  I know I do. “I’ll give you this Lord, but
not that. You are asking too much Lord…you want that too? How can you expect me
to give you that? It is too hard.”

We
are afraid to let go. Afraid of growth and change, and yes, afraid to trust
when it seems our security may be threatened. It is so hard to die to our own
will; a part of us continues to believe we know better than God.

St
Faustina knew what it was like to surrender her will completely. She writes in
her diary “I accept everything that comes my way as given me by the
loving will of God who sincerely desires my happiness”.(Diary 1549)

Not
just the good things, but EVERYTHING. The failures, the losses, the
sickness, the fears, the sufferings, everything. She knew that no matter
how things looked, God loved her and He was leading her along the road to
eternal life…her happiness.

A
few years ago my younger son Michael brought a small statue of the Pieta back
for me from a trip to

Rome

.
Having consecrated myself to Mary by means of True Devotion by St Louis Marie
De Monte forte, the statue quickly became one of my most prized possessions
obtaining a place of honor on my desk. In this devotion you become a “slave” of
Mary and are called to imitate her virtues. “I am all yours and all that I have
belongs to you, Oh, most loving Jesus, through Mary, your Most Holy Mother”. It
has been a daily prayer of mine for over 15 years. Mary becomes the possessor,
of all of your works, as you strive to live with her, through her, in her and
for her, that you may glorify Jesus as she did.

Last
May, Michael entered the Marine Corp. Suddenly; the statute took on a new
meaning.

Suddenly
I heard myself saying “I want to be like you in all things Mary but not this,
this I cannot do.”

“I
accept everything”.

What
an example we have in Mary. She did not say “everything” but this. She did not
scream for the soldiers to take Jesus down from the cross, she did not beg
Jesus not to go through with the Fathers plan for Him. She did not run from the
cross. She accepted everything as given to her by the loving will of
God. She trusted completely, that no matter how things looked or what happened,
God loved her and good would come out of it.

My
humanness rebels at the thought of accepting everything. It just seems too
painful to me. I know I cannot do it; I am too filled with fear. Just the
thought of Michael being wounded or worse yet, killed, is too much for me, and
so I live day-by-day trying to trust. I remind myself that of course I cannot
do it, but Mary can do it in me, one day, one minute at a time. She can show me
the way on whatever road He chooses. She knows the way; she will be there to
hold my hand. When I get fearful, I can hide behind her mantle as she urges me
on. I can imitate her in following her son along the road of

Calvary

learning the lessons she teaches me; patience, forgiveness, trust, humility,
perseverance, and purity of heart.

I
do not know how long they will ask me to walk this road or what lies ahead.
Michael has 2 1/2 more years in the Marine Corp. All I know is that I am called
to pray and trust one day at a time. I am called to consent to the will of God
no matter what it is, knowing His love for Michael and His desire for his
salvation. I know some days will be harder than others and that I will
sometimes fail, but I also know Mary will be with me through it all, teaching
and guiding me as I learn to “accept everything that comes my way as
given me by the loving will of God who sincerely desires my happiness”.