Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

            I came from
a large very religious catholic family. 
I was taught all the right and wrongs, the dos and the don’ts, the
truths and the falsehoods.  I attended a
very good catholic high school and became involved with the school activities
like retreat moderator, volunteered to help The
Little Sisters of the Poor, and involved myself in the pro-life activities
such as the March for Life every year. 
My faith and prayer life were good until I graduated and started
college.

 
            I attended
a community college and a different world was introduced to me.  Curiosity became by best friend.  Before I knew it, I was sneaking out of my
house, smoking, drinking and clubbing.  I
wasn’t like any other teenager/young adult that goes through a phase and goes
out every Friday night; no, I always looked for more and wanted more.  The clubs became my church; I was there every
Wed, Friday and Saturday night.  But that
wasn’t enough; I got bored and wanted to try some other “so called fun things”
so I messed around with what the young people call “weed”, “chronic” etc.  I suddenly became more lost, more confused,
and more alone.  I didn’t care for or
love myself anymore; I still attended Sunday mass but never knew the true
meaning of it.  I lived a double life by
joining my local parish’s youth group and music ministry but behind all that,
my heart was in the streets searching for more in all the wrong places.  I spent 6 years wasting my life away.

            June 7,
1997 was the worst day of my entire life. 
Six months prior to that day I met a guy.  The relationship was poor right from the start.  Many bad things happened – physical abuse,
verbal abuse, partying etc.  I became
pregnant and he became my worst nightmare. 
I wanted to keep the baby; he wanted to abort.  I fought him to the end — until he said
words that tortured my every being, “Your parents are going to kill you.”  I then stopped and said without delay, I have
to do this … I have to get an abortion. 
So I made the arrangements, and he promised to meet me at Planned
Parenthood.  Well, guess what?  He never showed up.  I went through the procedure awake and alone.  I saw and heard everything from the sonogram
of my 2-month baby, the sound of the suction tube killing my baby, to the
bucket of blood stored in the corner of the room.  I remember looking up at the ceiling that had
pictures of cute puppies to help forget what was happening.  I remember crying on that table to God to
forgive me.  I was wheeled into a
recovery room where they were showing all the women a movie named “When Fools Rush
In” as actress Salma Hyack gave birth to a baby.  Thirty minutes were up and it was time for me
to sign out as the nurse tried to hand me a handful of condoms and arrange an
appointment to return so they could provide birth control.  I was walking and hearing everyone around me
with smiles as if nothing happened.  My
best friend picked me up that day.  I
wanted to kill myself.  I never heard
from my boyfriend again.

            Two months
later — continuing the clubbing, drinking etc.  My sister asked if I wanted to go to World
Youth Day in

France

.  I said ok. 
It was a birthday gift from her and what a gift it was.  Many things happened on that trip.  After all the festivities of seeing the Pope,
the group decided to visit

Lourdes

.  There is where it all began.  I remember, it was raining and I stood for
two seconds at the foot of where Our Lady appeared to St. Bernadette.  I fell on my knees and cried for an hour and
Our Lady took my wounded heart and replaced it with a new one.  It was the start of a long journey that
wasn’t to be tread alone.

            It has been
a journey of many sorrows but at the end God won me back.  I forgave myself because God had already
forgiven me.

            Through the
Grace of God I have come to have a beautiful relationship with my son
Anthony.  Anthony is 6 years old and I
love him more and more everyday that passes. 
I believe he is in the presence of the Almighty praying for me, loving
me and guiding me.

            The journey
still continues and it’s definitely a struggle everyday but God is by my side
always.  He has never abandoned me.

– D –