Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

Over the next two years following the Roe vs. Wade decision,
12 states adopted consent laws for men, requiring the husbands agreement before
his wife could have an abortion.  The
Supreme Court evaluated the laws in 1976 and decided they were all
unconstitutional. They did the same
thing in the law passed in Pennsylvania
with then, Governor Casey. This was the end of men’s legal rights with
abortion.

  For some men this was fine. All they were looking for was
sex. If the woman got pregnant, well, it was her body, let her get an abortion,
but for those who were sensitive to this issue, it not only took away their
legal rights, it also took away their manhood as protector of their family.

 In the several years that I have been counseling men in a
bible study program that issue has come up again and again. “I could have
stopped her, it was up to me to protect her”. 
Men are supposed to protect their women. 
Women nurture/Men protect. 

 Most men go through a denial stage. As men we are very good
at covering up our feelings.  In fact, we
are taught not to have any feelings.  All
you have to do is watch our sports heroes when they get hurt, or witness us at
a funeral. Who is doing the crying?

 Men do suffer Post Abortion Syndrome.  They go through anger, anxiety, grief, guilt
and helplessness.  All of these things
can lead to abuse of drugs, alcohol and food. 
And since men are taught by their peers not to cry or show emotion, they
carry this burden in silence.

 Some of the men I have worked with were in a rehab program
and although they may have been abusing drugs or alcohol before, after the
abortion the conditions worsened. In most cases, the relationship ended. Statistics
show that 70% break up even if they have been in consultation.

 In the Bible study we use at the Life Center,
“Healing a Father’s Heart” by Linda Cochrane and Kathy Jones, we go through a
nine-week Bible study.  The book is
filled with statements and coordinated Gospel readings or phrases, which
connect to a weekly topic. The men read a chapter a week and come prepared to
talk about the topic. It has worked well with the men.  God in His mysterious way would give the
answers or the right questions to ask. 

 Forgiveness is the most difficult part much like with the
women.  Men have a difficult time in
asking for God’s forgiveness, and an even more difficult time forgiving
themselves.  Those that remain with their
partner also have the burden of seeking forgiveness  or dealing with anger because they were not
consulted before the abortion decision was made.

 Healing comes when the men have placed themselves in hands
of God. One man who could not forgive his girlfriend for having the abortion,
said that while praying he had felt the anger leave his body and said “I don’t
know how I am going to live without this bible study”. The men, at the end,
accept their role in the abortion decision and with the help of God go on with
their lives.

 At the Life center of Long Island
we have started a Men’s group. It is only a few months old, but the goal is to
begin to reach out in the pews for men who have had an abortion.  25 men are now speaking to their pastors,
asking them to place an ad in their weekly bulletin announcing the group. By
the end of February, we are hoping the ad will be in the hands of all
pastors. 

 We also are reaching out to those men who bring their
wives/girlfriends into our crisis pregnancy offices. Another goal is to have a
man counselor present during the daily hours of the Life center
so that they can respond to those men who come into our center seeking an
abortion with their wife/girlfriend.

 Both are ambitious programs but all we are asked to do is to
try, to pray and the Lord will do the rest. 
I have found this out in doing Rachel’s Vineyard Retreats for women and
men who have had abortions.  We send a
message out into the pews, and out into the Internet.  We do the work, we pray and God does the
rest.

Deacon Frank Gariboldi