Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

One of the women I know from our ministry who aborted as a result of a poor pre natal diagnosis, generously gave me permission to share an email she sent me. It reflects the thoughts and feelings of countless women who are post abortive and is a great example of "abortion connectors", something we speak about often in the healing process.

A connector is a "person, place or thing" that reminds us of our abortion experience. It often brings with it deep regret and sorrow, as evidenced here.

With healing comes a different perspective on connectors…as we heal they loose their power over us. We may not forget (and shouldn't) our abortion experience, but we are able to look at it through the eyes of faith and hope in eternity with our children through Jesus Christ.

In the last sentence she shares "If the day I die, I manage to make
it to heaven, it will truly be by God's grace alone.  Lord knows I am not
worthy.  "

The truth is none of us are, but through Jesus Christ and what He did we are saved. 

Thank you L for your willingness to share and you concern for others….

Today is my 42nd
birthday.

Tommy's abortion occurred exactly
one week prior to my 39th birthday, three years ago.  Back then we had a
birthday dinner with my girlfriend, her spouse, and "the priest."  They had
wanted to order a slice of cake from the dessert menu in order to celebrate my
birthday and sing happy birthday.  I wouldn't hear it.  There was nothing to
celebrate. 

Three years later, not much has
changed.  To my daughter there is no-one more important in the world to her
than her mommy.  I come home from work last night to have my daughter all
excited about mommy's birthday.  She was telling me that she has many surprises
for me but that I'll have to wait until tomorrow.  She and daddy baked a cake,
and she helped him put in the eggs and stir.  But don't peek, mommy; it's a
surprise. 

And
so, tonight we celebrate my birthday more so for the sake of my daughter than for
myself.  Every year since that fateful day I see my birthday as a reminder of
broken hopes and dreams.  I, at the age of 40, am not unlike the person I was at
the age of 20.  I wake up in the morning and go through my day operating on
survival instinct.  Don't think. Don't feel.  Just get by through the day, stay
focused on the goal, and through hard work and perseverance I would be OK.

But
in the time span of two decades, I'm not OK.  With Tommy's death came the demise
of everything I have ever desired in life.  A stable family life, married with
two kids, living in the house with the white picket fence and the dog.  I look
at may daughter and I feel sorry for her for having parents like us.  Here is a child
who will grow up an only child, in a house that's clutter central, where her
mommy and daddy can't get their act together, moving back into a one bedroom
apartment, in order to rent out the house, so that we can manage to pay our
bills. 

Happy 42nd birthday .  Tonight I
toast another year of motherhood farewell. 

Somewhere in the Book of Revelation
there is a verse where the Lord cautions the faithful to not be ensnared and
deceived.  I have stumbled on both counts.  If the day I die, I manage to make
it to heaven, it will truly be by God's grace alone.  Lord knows I am not
worthy.