Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

Here is an article I wrote on September 14, 2001, just three days after our country was attacked by terrorists. I thought I would share it here today as we prayerfully remember those who died and their families.

9/14/01                                                Our
Merciful God

There
is the presence of sadness everywhere in our country as we struggle to get on
with our daily lives after the terrible attack of September 11^th. It
is hard to get away from it. Even if we manage to be distracted from it for a
little while, it is lurking in the recesses of our minds. A constant emptiness, a deep
loss, terrifying horror, and a lack of control over our present circumstances.

It
is a call to a deep trust in God. A testing of our faith in the midst of the
darkness that’s invaded our lives. Do I really believe in His promises? Do I
really trust in His mercy? Am I really following Him in my life? Am I
constantly trying not to offend Him and to be grateful for the great gifts He
has given me, both personally and to our country? Do I believe He is there even in this ?

I know
for myself, the feelings are very reflective of those I had after my abortion.
The pain and uncertainty;  the
temptations to depression and despair. The feelings of abandonment, and
indescribable  loss. The aching
emptiness, anxiety and fear. When I hear the horrific tales of body parts I
cringe. Although we are told we could not imagine it, my first thought to this
was, “Oh yes I can, I saw my aborted son.”

In
the field of post abortion these associations are called “abortion connectors”
and everyone who has experienced the death of their child in this way has them,
whether conscious of them or not. For years most of us buried them in the
recesses of our minds not knowing why we reacted to certain things the way we
did. Sooner or later it is important to acknowledge their presence. To validate
their existence. When experiencing an additional trauma like the one our
country is experiencing, it is important to separate the two. To look at the
feelings and see what belongs to the present and what belongs to the past, and
to work through each, putting them in their proper perspective.

For
me, in regard to my abortion, this time it is much different and I am eternally grateful. I have been
enveloped in the mercy of God  no one can take
that away from me. Not even the terrorists. It gives me the strength and courage to know, that  God  is still there.

In
the midst of this evil, He is calling us back to Him. He is still mercy
itself. All we need do is gaze upon him in humility and trust. To have
contrition for our sins and gratitude for His many gifts to us. To trust in His
love, knowing He judges us according to His ways not ours. Just as He longs to
heal the broken heart of abortion, He longs to heal our nation and just as He
can bring good out of the terrible sin of abortion He is bringing good out of
this terrible evil as evidenced by the many volunteering and the unity we are
experiencing as a nation.

May
we all practice our faith in the midst of this darkness knowing, no matter
what, He will never abandon us.