Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

This is a post from the blog of Abby Johnson. A former director at Planned Parenthood who also aborted two of her own children. A few things struck me about this post. One being that she seems to be working to make up for what she did.I think there is a danger to feel somehow we can make up for our sins. Can we do good, spread the truth in Jesus Christ ? of course, but nothing we can do will ever make up for taking life. The good news is, we do not have to because Jesus Christ has already made up for it. Healing is not about us and what we have done but about Him and what He has done.

Perhaps the second thing that struck me is, it is still less then 2 years since her conversion. So fast to be out there so much. Pray for he rprotection. She does not mention her own abortions in this post. I pray she is getting the help she needs to heal  because her healing is just as important to God as the people she wants to help.

I pray she grows in the love of Jesus Christ where she will find the love deep enough to get the healing she needs. I thank her for her courage and her work, but I also pray her own soul heals and that of her family…I am sure that is God's desire…

My Beating Heart

I never had the honor of talking to Dr. Bernard Nathanson.  But someone told me once that he asked Dr. Nathanson about his remorse after performing thousands of abortions.  Many of us that have once been in the abortion industry are frequently criticized for our public “lack of remorse.”  Dr. Nathanson explained to this man that if he actually allowed himself to feel the depth of his remorse, he wouldn’t be able to live with the pain.  I would say that is pretty accurate for most of us who have once lived and walked in those hallways of evil.  I’m not sure my heart would take the pain if I really allowed myself to feel what I had done. 

Have you ever watched one of those crime shows where they interview a prisoner who murdered someone?  I recently saw one about a man who had killed a young woman.  He had since become a Christian while in prison and the remorse for the life he had taken was so evident.  He could hardly even talk about her.  It was difficult for him to maintain his composure.  Well, imagine that type of remorse times thousands and thousands.  We were serial killers of the worst kind…we killed children. 

Then one day, after years of living in foolishness and evil, we turn it around.  We swallow our pride and admit we were wrong.  We lose our friends, we are called names, we start over…but we know it is worth it.  It is not easy, but it is right.  We repent from our sin and we feel a sense of peace and joy that has never been in our heart before…but there is brokenness, too…and a stinging feeling of remorse that won’t leave.  I remember wondering if the brokenness and remorse would ever lessen.  Would it ever leave?  It doesn’t.  It is a constant reminder of who you were and what you have done.  But now, I am thankful for the reminder…it keeps me focused, passionate, and most of all, praying. 

For some of us, we go on to have normal 9-5 jobs and live our lives in the privacy of family and friends.  Some of us live our lives in the public.  I know I am called to work full time in the fight.  I didn’t know that at first, but God revealed that to me in a pretty big way…thanks to Planned Parenthood’s media release.  For those of us whose conversions are public, many look at us as heroes.  But we are not…I am not.  How could we be?  We look around us and see people who have been fighting in this movement for years; they are heroes.  We are criminals.  We deserve punishment, not awards.  We deserve to be cast out, not accepted.  We don’t deserve forgiveness, but we seem to get it anyway. 

Every day of my life I think about the women I took from.  I took away their motherhood, I devalued them, I broke their confidence, I betrayed them.  How I wish I could look into every one of their faces and tell them how sorry I am.  If I could restore some of what I took from them, I would give my life to make it happen.  I wish I could be there to wipe their tears when they mourn for their lost child.  To know that you committed a terrible wrong that you can’t make right is one of the most desperate feelings in the world.  And as desperate as I feel, I can’t make those wishes come true.  But I do my best everyday to make it up to those women and their children.  I failed them once, but I won’t do it again.  I know they haven’t forgotten their children, and I haven’t either.

Here is the rest of the post http://www.abbyjohnson.org/2011/05/my-beating-heart/