Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

"I, who could have sex with her, was
now like a scared kid telling her please not to do this to me, that it wouldn’t
be good for the kid to grow up without a family that was stable. I was the
victim. It was almost as if I was the one whose life would finish."

I recently received this note with a witness from a post abortive man…the honesty reached my core..I am sure it will yours as well.

Hello Miss Bonopartis

 I saw your card in church. I think the work of healing from
the guilt of abortion is helping many live lives of greater love, happiness and
fulfillment.  I and surely many can't thank you enough for this work. I
feel i'm included in the blessing of someone who is healing greatly from it.

I have below a written confession about an abortion in my
past. Its hard one, and might not be conducive for healing, but maybe
more for deterring someone from aborting.

Nonetheless, if you feel something can be done with it
for a greater good, please let me know…

My Confession

I left a girl pregnant.

We
had started to go out recently, less than a month, when we became
sexually active. Before two months had gone by, she suspected she was
pregnant. She wasn’t in a good moment in her life. Many hard situations
in her past had brought their toll on her, including an instance of
sexual abuse, extreme poverty and other types of really cruel, emotional
abuse. I was attracted to her a lot, but we weren’t in love, everything
was too new for love to have grown.

At that time I didn’t want to
have a kid with her, as I thought strongly it didn’t fit my plans. My
plans weren’t bad plans by the way. They were plans for a stable family
upbringing.

When I heard she was pregnant, I got desperate.

I
felt that heavy burden of having an unplanned baby with someone I
didn’t really know and trust would be too much. It was so far away from
what I thought I could handle. I had so many plans as well. I thought
that, for example, traveling the world as I wished would be impossible. I
wouldn’t be able to go out anymore as I liked, having fun as a single
guy.  I wouldn’t have the possibility to feel the "joy" of being a "free
spirit" in NYC anymore, one without strings attached. I didn’t want to
have a baby with someone that wasn’t in love with me and I wasn’t in
love with them, I didn’t want to go through the scary instability this
would bring. I had a responsible father, so I wanted to be one as well,
so I didn’t want to go through with having a kid that I wouldn’t know if
I could be really present for him.

I thought of the worries of
those who cared about me; how sad they would be for me because they had
greater aspirations for their dear but sometimes reckless Ivan.  I would
think that they would look at my situation as “getting stuck” with a
baby with the “wrong” woman. These cold and heartless thoughts ,even
though somewhat reality inspired, are more importantly absent of Love.
Love for the miracle of life, Love for the creator of that lie. They are
absent of any faith that as hard as the situation might be, God would
provide.

I thought of my childhood friends, especially those who
have what one might consider a more successful and planned life, at
least in terms of starting their own families. I imagined how they would
look at me with pity, maybe even judgment or criticism, commenting in
their get-togethers “poor Ivan messed up”. The poison of pride.

I
considered what family and friends might have thought of my situation,
and these brought me much anxiety. I’m sorry to them for having thought
so little of their capacity to show love and support,   In other words, I
thought myself and myself, more then I had ever thought of myself.

I
don’t remember thinking at all of a creature in her womb whom whose
father I was, so, I told her to abort.  She didn’t want to at first, but
I helped talk her into it. I was insistent, mostly through my own
victimization.

Me, who could have sex with her like a man, was now
like a scared kid telling her please not to do this to me, that it
wouldn’t be good for the kid to grow up without a family that was
stable. I was the victim. It was almost as if the life that would finish
is would be mine.

you can find the rest here: http://postabortionhelp.org/pah/me-who-could-have-sex-with-her-like-a-man-was-now-like-a-scared-kid/