Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

How can you put into words the feeling of complete and total
abandonment.  A pain that reaches your
very core, the deepest recesses of your soul. I guess, you really can’t.

Once that part of you has been touched it is hard to forget
it. There seems to always be a part of you attached to that pain, a cross that
you carry even though most times you may not feel the weight. Every once in a
while it rears its ugly head, projecting into the present what was so painful
in the past. It can be hard to identify what is happening and you may even find
yourself sabatoging relationships to spare yourself from being abandoned again.

Many post abortive people have abandonment issues. Often
abandoned by boyfriends, husbands, orparents who supposedly loved them, but not
enough to help them give life to their child. What a choice to have to make…the
love of those who you believe care for you, or your child who you have not yet
met….the fear of being alone, afraid etc. Coerced into abortion for fear of
abandonment or abandoned to coerce to abort…it makes no difference, the
results are the same.

I think back over the years and how many times this abortion
“connector” of abandonment defined moments in my life before I understood what
it was that was happening. It still pops up, and I am sure always will until
the day I die, but even though it make take me while at times, I am always able
to identify what is really happening and, by the grace of God, I talk myself into
the present instead of reacting to the past.

Pro lifers can judge me for my abortion, and God knows a lot
of them are out there doing that. Surely the sin I committed was great, but through
my healing I have come to know Jesus Christ, who suffered abandonment  freely for me to the core of His being. Who I
meet every time I am connected with that pain in the present, to remind me I am
not alone and we will walk through this together. Who touches me with His
mercy, His love, His forgiveness, His clear picture of the entire abortion and
His understanding, not to say it was right, abortion is never right, but to
love me in spite of it.

I am a sinner in need of God’s mercy. All good I do comes
from Him and I can do nothing without Him. I do not heal people, He does, I do
not save women from abortion, He does, I do not close clinics, He does ,the
only one who can do any of those things…

As we begin the new year, I pray for the humility to never
forget that. To suffer willingly, even with my connector of abandonment  for the salvation of souls, knowing  His great love for them and that He suffers
with me. To always stay under Mary’s Mantle, Our Mother of Mercy who holds me, never abandones me, and leads me
always to her son. To be grateful , to trust and not fear our God of Mercy who
was  abandoned so that I could find my way to Him.