Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

Adoring the Cross

 Because prayer at the
foot of the Cross deepens the vision of ones sinfulness as well as faith in the
love of God. Your evil was conquered and erased by virtue of the redemptive
sacrifice of Christ. Through the power of the One whose love for you has no
limits you were redeemed. In adoring the Cross you will realize this ever more
fully.
(In the Arms of Mary, SC
Beila)

 “Through the power of
the One whose love for you has no limits, you were redeemed”

A love without limits. That is hard for us to imagine
because our human love is often filled with a bunch of limits.

• I will
  love you if …
• I
  don’t love you anymore because…
• How
  can I love you when …
• If you
  do this it is over
• I did
  not sign up for this…

How many of us may
have had limits manifested to us before we chose abortion?

• If you
  love me you will abort
• If you
  do not abort I will leave
• If you
  do not abort you cannot finish school/keep your job etc etc

Our human love seems to have more to do with getting for ourselves than giving of ourselves.

 I used to hate the cross. It scared me. I felt guilty for
putting Jesus there and it reminded me of all I was not and my total
sinfulness. I was completely focused on self instead of all He was and his
sinlessness and mercy for me.

It also seemed completely impossible for me to meet what I
thought were the expectations of Christ. I was too weak, to fearful, too
sinful, too needy and ignorant of how to even begin to live the life I felt He
was asking of me. I always felt like I had to be a certain place before I went
to Him, I never realized that it was by going to Him that I would reach that
place.

 While a part of me longed for relationship with Him, I had
no inkling of this love He offered. A love that willingly died on the cross. A
living love, right here, right now.

 Christ’s love challenges us to grow, to step away from ”self”.
The paradox of our faith, by giving ourselves up, we get fulfillment. It is
hard to digest.

 Most of us aborted because of “self” whether it was pure
self interest or self preservation it still was about self. That can be hard
for us to admit.

But it is in entering into all the feelings and doubts and
fears that caused us to abort, that we will find peace and fulfillment. But I
will get back to that.

 I have been thinking lately abut how much suffering there is
in the world. We run around too busy for most things. We have forgotten how to
relax and rest in the Lord. So many people have so many crosses, unemployment,
addiction, illness, and so many people feel so alone and abandoned. They are so
busy looking to fill self they forget that they get filled by emptying self, by
being there for others. We are so afraid to suffer with others, afraid that it
will touch our supposed neat little worlds.
I was afraid to give of myself when I had my abortion. Afraid if I had my baby
I would not survive in this world. abortion is the ultimate clinging to
self..the denying of life thinking it will preserve us, when in affect it not
only takes the life of our child but all we were meant to be.

 We are all adverse to suffering. Even in our healing we want
it here and now. We look for a quick fix, as if there could possibly be one.
Just think of how awful it would be to be able to take the life of our children
and get over it right away. What kind of a person would we be? I have always
said I am glad my abortion bothered me..I would not want to take the life of my
child and be ok with that. That is scarier to me than what I have gone through.

 How can he forgive after He suffered so much and died for my
sins..fact is we are already forgiven precisely because he died for our sins.

God
will never leave you alone.  He already knows we are all sinners.

He
knows every saint has his past and every sinner has his future

 
The Cross is the way to Paradise, but only
when it is borne willingly.

——–St. Paul of the Cross

In uniting yourself to God's will, you take on new life and gather great
courage, willingly embracing the cross and kissing His hand even when it
chastises you, a hand that reaches out to you in love and has no other
intention but your greater spiritual well-being.

——–St. Paul of the Cross`

I am learning a lot about the cross this Lent

It may not be my idea of what a cross should be (and we all
have our acceptable crosses don’t we?)

For me it has been the ultimate task of continually letting
go and trusting God. I do better some days than others. 

Mary has been teaching me. Her cross was to see her son
suffer

She did not tell him what he should have done, what to say
or not say

Why
didn’t you stand up to Pilate and Herod?
Why
not come down from that cross and show them who you are ?

Instead,
she trusted God knew He had to do this for our salvation.She
quietly stood there supporting and loving him.Not
easy.We
want to take control and make things what we see as right.It is
often very hard to keep your mouth shut.

This past Saturday I was blessed, with  Fr Mariusz, to hold our first retreat for
sibling of aborted babies. I must admit, it was hard to hear their pain, these
women and men who had nothing to do with the choice to abort , yet whose lives
were touched so profoundly. I kept thinking of the verse “Choose life, that you
and your descendents may live”.

 It was a true day of standing at the cross…great pain and
suffering, the magnitude of the impact of abortion on so many lives was so
evident, and yet, through the cross and sharing in the suffering of Christ, He
made manifest His great love and mercy. At the end of the day sitting at mass
you could not help but notice there was great peace and joy. A joy in sharing
the suffering, of giving of self. Ultimate pain and ulitmate love in the same
place…

 The Paradox of our faith.

 I am so blessed..I meet God every day in the women and men
we minister to. I don’t always”love” it. In fact, in my human nature I moan and
groan (Mary can tell you that!)..I have a friend who calls me the whiney
saint…he is right. I am weak and the human side of me still hates suffering,
but I also love the suffering..because it is there at the cross that I
encounter Christ and His great love for us. It is there I find the strength to
continue and bear this lifes sufferings. It is there I found healing from my
abortion

(reprint 2008)