Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

Reprint from 2007 when my son was serving in Iraq-please
remember to keep our service men & women and their families in your daily
prayers..

On The
Road To Calvary

As I have mentioned in previous newsletters, I currently
have a son serving in the Al Anbar province of Iraq as a United States
Recon Marine. It has been a real test of faith.

 I find I spend much of my time turning him over to the care
of God, over and over, as I recognize how easily I take him back from God in my
heart. Unbelievably, and I am sure until I die, there is still that prideful
self that thinks I know better how to care for him.

 So many have said to me “I cannot imagine what it must be
like to have a son at war.” To be sure, it is hard to put into words. “Surreal”
often comes to mind. Life goes on as I pray for him and wonder whatsuffering he is experiencing. Recently in prayer, a visual
description of my experience has come to me. I am walking the road to Calvary with
Mary.

 Some days I go willingly, trusting in God’s will for us,
knowing no matter what happens, His desire is our salvation. Most days however,
I feel Mary drags me along, telling me to proceed as she did, even inthe midst of my fear. To trust, no matter how things appear.
She asks me to love enough to be there for Mike, no matter what the cost.

 Some days I feel as though she is keeping me company on this
difficult walk, others days, that I ambeing given the grace to keep her company. To share in her
sufferings, as her Son walks the road to the crucifixion.

 I do not know how long she will ask me to accompany her. It
may be that at the seventh station, I willget to go home. It may be that she will ask me to climb all
the way to Calvary, and share in her sorrows asmy son makes the ultimate sacrifice. I don’t know.

 What I do know, although I may not “feel” it, is that upon
the cross of Calvary we find the deepest lovepossible. The love of God for each one of us. The love that
forgives our sins and makes our redemption possible.

 You see, I have been to Calvary before. It is there I found
healing from my abortion. It is there I found the love deep enough to heal the
wounds from my lost son, Joshua, who I aborted when I was a teenager. It is
there I surrendered to a God I know loves me and forgives me my sins…and it is
there He chose to die for them.

Human nature still makes me unwilling to walk the way of the
Cross, but faith and trust in Christ’s loveand mercy gives me the courage to continue in spite of my
fears. I refuse not to trust, as I continue holding Mary’s hand as we
mount the hill to Calvary, there to die to self, enabling us to share in His
Resurrected life for eternity.