Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter;
he who finds one finds a treasure.

A faithful friend is beyond price,
no sum can balance his worth.

A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy,
such as he who fears God finds;

First of all I want to say that I have been blessed with
some pretty incredible friends. Ones who have known me at my best, and at my
worst, and still unconditionally love me. 
They have been with me through good times and bad. We have laughed,
cried, rejoiced and mourned together. I thank God for them always and I pray they
feel they same about me.

A friendship like that is truly an amazing gift from God,
one that challenges us to grow in love knowing we can be our true selves and
that the person will be there loving us in spite of any failings. We know we
are accepted as we are.

But, I also know the pain of a relationship unrequited. One
that perhaps I thought was one way, and then painfully came to find out was completely different.

In those relationships, I have often accepted unacceptable
behavior because I did not want to see the truth.  I have found a million excuses not to see the
signs that were screaming out to me because I did not want to believe that the
person I cared for so deeply did not feel the same way.

“It must have been a mistake”, “I am sure he/she did not
realize how hurtful that was”, “I will tell them how hurt I felt and surely it
will not happen again” but nothing changed. I would come up with a million
excuses to stop myself from finally facing the fact that the person did not feel
about me the same way I felt about them.

There was a time after my abortion, when my self esteem was
so low, that I saw every failed relationship as a reflection of my own worth. I
believed I was worthless and unlovable, and so it was always my fault. How could someone love
me who had taken the life of her own child? Of course they would leave!

I have come to learn a lot over the years through my healing
in Jesus Christ. It does not make the lesson any less painful, but I have
learned it is not always about me and I have learned that I am never alone or unloved,  He is there with me through it all.

It is still a painful lesson, to learn and face, especially
if it is a relationship you have given years of your life to, but clinging to unhealthy relationships and trying
to force or believe what you want, instead of what is, is not a good thing and
ends up destroying your peace of mind. I thank God for the grace to let go and to trust Him with my life no matter how scary things seem. I know now I have dignity as person, and He loves me unconditionally, and I thank HIm fo r those "faithful" friends, that stand by me through lifes difficulties and are surely my sturdy shelter.

Jesus, I trust in you!