Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

If I could change anything about my life it would be to never have
aborted my two children. But I did it, and there is no turning back.

Since facing my abortions, my life had been a nightmare, but also a
wake up call.  I had no other choice but to take the opportunity to take
a closer look at myself and the way I was living my life. I was
desperate and had to do something. My life was in danger because of the
depression I was living in.

That’s when I was blessed to come across Lumina while browsing on the
web looking for support.  I emailed the site and got a call right away.
For the first time, I felt understood and comforted.  I was also a bit
puzzled that a stranger would read into me so well and would help me
more than my loved ones.

As much as I was touched to have found someone that offered me
genuine help, I was also wondering why a stranger would be so concerned
and care so much for me. What did she want in return? Was it a trick to
bring me back to faith? At the time I didn’t need any religion to know
that I killed my two babies and I was convinced that turning to God
would just make it worse.

Theresa kept calling me even when I wasn’t returning her calls or
when I wasn’t responding to what she had to offer. She kept caring for
me unconditionally while I thought I wasn’t worth so much attention and
support.

It finally took me a lot of courage to attend the Entering Canaan Day
of Hope & Healing for post-abortive women in the Bronx developed by
Theresa & the Sisters of Life. I did all I could within myself to
avoid going, but my despair was greater than my fear, so I finally went.
That’s when everything began to change.

That day something happened to me. I could tell you that I cried like
I never cried before. That my entire body ached, and I couldn’t even
speak. My pain was too deep to be expressed through words, but I can
also tell you that contrary to what I anticipated, I felt safe. No one
judged me and I received so much support that I let go and surrender to the pain inside of me. I also learned (and am still learning) words like
forgiveness, unconditional love, compassion for others and for myself…
but that day the greatest thing also happened to me: God entered my
life!

I continued in the ministry attending the weekend retreats and
monthly “Gatherings” and slowly processed what was needed for me to face
myself and what had happened. Today, I am a changed woman. Not only have
accepted my abortions, but I also have a better understanding as to why I
got into such self-destructive behaviors in the past. Things have
become much clearer. I have a better sense of who I am and I treat
myself with more respect and dignity. Of course, there are still steps
towards healing, but I am moving forward with God on my side and that’s
what matters.

Until my abortions I did not have faith. I spent years in an
atheist/hedonist cult.  I didn’t have much hope.  I was depressed, angry at
the world, and cynical since I thought I knew better. Now everything has
changed. I feel that there is something grander and greater: God. He has
forgiven me.  He loves me, supports me, and protects me. For once in my
life, there is Hope.

I thought that I would carry my burden and sins forever but, through
the sharing in this ministry and also a post abortion group at Midtown
Pregnancy Support Center,  I understood that I am not my sins, that when
I committed the worst I didn’t know better (now I do), and that God
wants me to be free and happy.

And one day, through His mercy and goodness, I’ll meet my children!
Christiane Zufferey

Are you living in darkness and
depression after an abortion?

Unable to get past the pain of your loss? 

There is Hope.  There is Healing.  There is a way out of the
darkness.

Visit Lumina at www.postabortionhelp.org

Email us at lumina@postabortionhelp.org

Call us at 1-877-586-4621 or 1-718-881-8008

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