Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

Deep inside, without the grace of God, there is still the
person I used to be calling me to patterns and behaviors that are not healthy, especially
if I am, as they say in addiction programs, HALT, “hungry, angry, lonely, or tired." 

Each one of those feelings can lead me into a bad behavior,
whether it is overeating, lashing out at someone, impure thoughts, or a host of
other things. My imperfection is always before me, but now it is okay.

It is these very imperfections that remind me of my need for
God and that constantly speak to the fact that any good I do comes from Him – not
me. As the years go by, I am more and more grateful for them. Instead of
fighting those feelings or pretending they are not there and I am some perfect person or
that the good I do actually comes from me, I now I recognize them as my weaknesses. When one of them rears its ugly head, I prepare to do battle. I put on the armor of Christ given to me through prayer, friends of faith, and, of course, the Sacraments.

I always laugh when
people make it seem like following Christ is easy. Obviously, they have never really
tried it. What is easy is going along with the crowd and feeding my selfish
wants and desires.

Following Christ is
tough. “Pick up your cross and follow me."
More times than not, I find my “cross” is my own self will. I then drag my “self” to Calvary, there to be crucified and die so that with the
grace of Christ I may do His will instead of my own. 

There will be many Calvarys in this life where my “self
will” dies, kicking and screaming all the way, until the ultimate Calvary when my physical body will
be no more and I will finally belong entirely to Him. Until then, thank you God
for the grace to know it is YOU and YOUR goodness to me that gives me the strength
and allows me to follow You to Calvary.