Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

On this Veterans Day, I thought I would share something I wrote when my Son was serving as a recon Marine in Iraq.  Thank you to all our verterans, whose self sacrifice enables us to have the freedoms we do! Please remember and pray for them, especially those who are struggling once they return home.

My son, Mike (on the left), and his Marine brothers.

Spring 2007

As I have mentioned
in previous newsletters, I have a son, Michael, serving in the Al Anbar
province of Iraq as a United States Recon Marine. It has been a real test of faith.
I find I spend much of my time turning him over to the careof God, over and
over, as I recognize how easily I take him back from God in my heart. Unbelievably,
and I am sure it will go on until I die, there is still that prideful self that
thinks I know better how to care for him.

So many people have said to
me, “I cannot imagine what it must be like to have a son at war.” To be sure,
it is hard to put into words. “Surreal” often comes to mind. Life goes on as I
pray for him and wonder what suffering he is experiencing.

Recently in prayer, a
visual description of my experience has come to me. I am walking the road to
Calvary with Mary. Some days I go willingly, trusting in God’s will for us, knowing no matter what
happens, His desire is our salvation. Most days,however, I feel Mary drags me along,
telling me to proceed as she did, even in the midst of my fear. To trust, no matter how
things appear. She asks me to love enough to be there for Mike, no matter what the cost.

Some days I feel as
though she is keeping me company on this difficult walk, others days, that I am being given the grace
to keep her company – to share in her sufferings, as her Son walks the road to
the crucifixion.

I do not know how
long she will ask me to accompany her. It may be that at the seventh station, I
will get to go home. It
may be that she will ask me to climb all the way to Calvary and share in her
sorrows as my son makes the
ultimate sacrifice. I don’t know.

What I do know,
although I may not “feel” it, is that upon the cross of Calvary we find the
deepest love possible. The love of
God for each one of us. The love that forgives our sins and makes our
redemption possible.

You see, I have been
to Calvary before. It is there I found healing from my abortion. It is there I found
the love deep enough to heal the wounds from my lost son, Joshua, who I aborted when I was a
teenager. It is there I surrendered to a God I know loves me and forgives me my
sins.  And, it is there that He chose to
die for them.

Human nature still
makes me unwilling to walk the way of the Cross, but faith and trust in
Christ’s love and mercy gives me
the courage to continue in spite of my fears. I refuse not to trust, as I
continue holding Mary’s hand as we mount the hill to Calvary, there to die to
self, enabling us to share in His Resurrected life for eternity.

TB