Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

"Be Still and Know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

I do not know about the rest of you, but I have a hard time staying "still" in suffering. There is a part of me that continues to act on my emotions, or change a situation. It is something I have had trouble with all of my life and has often hurt me more than the original suffering. The clinging to my will instead of His. Part of this I know is a reaction to the loss of control I felt at the time of my abortion. The abandonment, the fear, et cetera. There is, at times, an inability to let go of things that I cannot control recognizing and trusting God is allowing them for a reason.

I am now more conscience of my patterns. I try not to act on my emotions which often are raging in times of deep hurt or what I perceive as an injustice.  Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail, but with the help of God  I am learning more to “be still” in the midst of these times and recognize all that is really important is my relationship with God and doing His will.

I have also learned that it is okay to lament to God who hears our prayers and sees the truth of any situation. That is why it was so nice to read Pope Francis’ words, “lamenting suffering is a form of prayer and is not a sin.”

Still, I must work at bringing my emotions to God and then to “be still," trusting in Him and His love for me. It is not easy letting go, (something we often have to do in order to be still), especially of things close to our heart. It is a struggle, a dying to self, and some days it is easier than others, but when we do get the grace, it is totally freeing and allows us to cling to God alone, who knows our hearts, loves us, and longs to fill us with His life.

So, in the midst of suffering, whether it be in healing from your abortion or something totally different, although you may not “feel” it,  thank God for the suffering with which He is purifying you and bringing you closer to healing and His heart!