Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

What if it had been me?

Aleteia-February 26, 2015
Theresa Bonopartis

A  recent anonymous post, “I Owe My Life to My Mother’s Abortion,” on The Huffington Post Women website, reflected the common feelings and conflicts of those who have lost a sibling to abortion. As counselors, we see the complex  thoughts and feelings surrounding the knowledge of a sibling’s termination just coming to the surface as we begin to offer hope and healing to those experiencing this loss.

It is not uncommon for surviving siblings to defend their mother’s decision as this woman does: “I’m embarrassed to admit that the admission shocked and shook me,” she writes as if having feelings about her sibling is unacceptable.  She then goes on to rationalize her mother's decision in an attempt to make the abortion okay.  Running through a litany of “what ifs,” and wondering if the child would have loved her mother as much as she does.  But, perhaps most upsetting is the author’s statement, “Nor could I imagine her alternative life if she hadn’t had the abortion – a life that didn’t involve me.”

It is hard for most of us to imagine what it would feel like to question your very existence due to something as horrific as abortion. It has to be heart-wrenching to find out that the woman who is your mother, who protects and defends you in life, actually took the life of a brother or sister. The quest to understand how this could be is a reasonable reaction. This is your mother whom you love.

What those facing this new knowledge need to learn is that they can understand what happened and why, they can forgive and show mercy and love, but they do not have to condone the abortion.  It is a tough one, especially when you think your very existence is in question, as most post-abortive siblings do.

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