Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

“Spiritual Pride preys on everything that it can ingest. It even feeds on making a good examination of conscience and contrition that come from noticing our faults. The beast of spiritual pride can grow in us catastrophically.” (God Alone Suffices, pg. 93)

I remember when I first came back to the church. We had a very dynamic, faith-filled new priest in our parish, and the Spirit was very alive in all that was going on. It was easy to feel good about things. I was basking in my new found faith. Being spiritually immature, I thought we were something special and took pride in the things we were doing in the prolife movement and a lot of other places.

When that priest left our parish, so did a lot of people.  It seemed the Spirit took leave with him and so many of the wonderful things he had begun ended one by one. It was painful. The presence of God I had begun to be so accustomed to seemed to have disappeared. How could that be? I was crushed.

In hindsight, it was one of the best things that could have happened to me.  I began to learn that faith, true faith, had nothing to do with what I was feeling from one moment to the next, but everything to do with my belief in the promises of God.

It was a hard lesson to learn.  I often felt abandoned which was a real trigger for me from my abortion, but I refused to believe that God would abandon me. After all, I had an encounter with Him in my healing and there was nothing or no one who could take that experience away from me. And so, I began to learn to trust in darkness, and then I began to learn to trust in the midst of attacks because I believe in God's love and His word.

Sure it is not always easy. I still get tossed around by the storms of life at times, but no matter how I feel, I never think of walking away.  I know God is present to me always -  even when I cannot feel Him.

That truth has been a mainstay for me through many of life’s difficulties.  Now, when I am blessed with “feeling” His presence, instead of thinking I somehow have something to do with it, I am very much aware it is a gift from Him and not something I deserve and this too is a gift.

Jesus, I trust in You!