Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

I want to thank Kevin Burke from Rachel's Vineyard for helping to bring attention to the siblings of aborted babies and spread the word about our upcoming Entering Canaan retreat for them in Catonsville, MD., this May 20-22. 

How are Children Impacted when they learn of a Parent’s Past Abortion?

[Theresa Bonapartis is the founder of Lumina, offering hope and healing after abortion. A special area of her outreach focuses on the struggle of siblings who learn of a parent’s previous abortion and the realization they have lost a brother or sister. I asked Theresa to share about her ministry and Lumina’s upcoming Entering Canaan Healing Weekend Retreat for Siblings of Aborted babies May 20-22, 2016. –Kevin Burke, LSW]

Theresa, what led you to develop a retreat for siblings with abortion loss?

I saw the impact on my own sons, when I told them as teenagers about my abortion. Having worked through the healing process with them I saw a lot of the struggles that I never even thought of before. Before you learn more about this issue, you think of telling them in relation to what they will think about you, but the truth is, it opens a whole range of issues for them. Guilt for being alive, wondering if they were wanted, anger, fear, would they even be here if their sibling was not aborted…it goes on and on.

I also began having more and more people come to me (I am next door to a high school) suffering because of a parents abortion. The more siblings I came to know, the more I came to understand all they suffered. Like those of us who are post-abortive, they often feel so alone in their feelings. They have so many questions but do not want to question their parents because they see them suffering so much already. They carry this burden alone.

They can be very protective of their parents and anyone harshly judging their moms for what they did.  This confirms for us the importance of a prayerful and compassionate pro-life message that affirms our duty to protect the unborn and offer alternatives to abortion…but with words and actions that are always grounded in mercy and compassion…as  Fr Frank Pavone is fond of saying, it’s about loving and protecting them both (that is the mother and child.)

What are ages generally of the participants?  How do they come to awareness that this is an area that needs healing and what are some of their struggles?

The ages have varied from 20’s to 70’s. We do not take young children. 

It is amazing how many of them share that they always knew someone was missing in their lives. Some were told by parents, others overheard things and their parents do not even know they know. I sense the need for healing arises because of all the issues and questions that come up for them. Think about it…here are your parents who have always loved and protected you and now you learn a sibling has died…it is all so conflicting for them.

They have questions but do not feel they can ask because they are protecting their parents. They hold the suffering and almost become the care giver with this. You have to wonder how much of it may come from wanting to be sure they are loved because a sibling has died. Of course they are loved, but with the knowledge of an aborted sibling so many questions surface.

They fear the anger they feel for their parents so they often hide it…a parent needs to be able to handle anything their kid has to voice. That is why it is so important the parent finds healing for themselves first…they need to be able to take whatever their kids dish out so that the kids do not feel like they have to protect them. They should not tell them just to ease their own burden. It is unrealistic to think it will not impact them so they need to be able to handle it.

Read the rest of my interview Kevin over at the Silent No More Website.