Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

Lately, we have been getting a lot of calls from post abortive men. Men whose lives are forever altered by the aborting of their unborn child. 

Men are rarely given the freedom to share their feelings. For some reason, it is seen as a sign of weakness or a threat to their “manhood”, so the thought that they would be able to express feelings experienced as a result of losing a child through abortion only intensifies this “don’t talk, don’t feel” mentality.

 What can be more of a threat to their manhood than their failure to protect, a role exemplified by being a husband and father. In abortion, both of those roles are seen as failures and so it not only instills a range of emotions, but it also makes going to God all the more threatening.

 For sure, men have been given conflicting messages about abortion. They are told it is a woman’s decision, their body their choice, and so often play a passive role in the decision to keep the baby, having bought into the idea that this is the right thing to do. Often after the abortion, they are then made to feel guilty for not doing something or discouraging the woman to bring the pregnancy to term, for failing to protect. “My body my choice…why didn’t you stop me!”

 Some men are not even told of the abortion until after its occurrence, leaving them feeling angry, betrayed, responsible yet and helpless in defending their child. They wonder, “How could I not have known?”, and with the death of the child comes the death of the relationship.

 Others find abortion a convenient way to continue in inappropriate behavior, using women for their own needs. For many of these men it is not until they are in committed relationships or later have children that they recognize the great injustice that they have done and the fact that they have contributed to the death of their own child.

 Lastly, a group being seen more and more are husbands who have married women with abortions in their past, and so often suffer from a lack of intimacy and the issues plaguing their wives. Some do not even know abortion is a factor in their relationship, but live with the consequences throughout their marriage.

 Abortion leaves both men and women spiritually bankrupt. For most it is the before and after of life, a defining moment. This moment however, can be the catalyst to a renewed life of faith and growth in the understanding of true love, the love of Jesus Christ.

"Entering Canaan" retreat days for post abortive men are offered twice a year, by Lumina and Friars of the Renewal. Our next day is October 7, 2017. We also can connect you to a professional therapist trained in post abortion, a clergy member, or another man who has gone through the experience.

 If you are a man suffering from a past abortion don’t stay in silence, there are many who have gone before you that can help.