Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

Mary Magdalene Stood In The Truth Before Jesus

"God can impart Himself only in the truth about ourselves that we discover and accept.  Therefore, in order for His mercy to be poured out upon us, we must choose to stand on the foundation of truth." (The Two Pillars, pg.3)

We all hear women and men who are post abortive speak about struggling to accept the fact that they aborted their child.  There is an unwillingness to accept that they did such a thing.  A refusal to believe.  This is actually an act of pride.  What we need to heal is humility.

What is humility? It is not beating ourselves up, but seeing ourselves in truth.  The truth of all we are with our weaknesses and sinfulness.  Without humility we are unable to accept the grace of God.

One of my favorite quotes on humility goes like this, "Humility is the fertile soil upon which the divine sower plants His seed.”  In the absence of humility, we refuse God's grace and instead are filled with pride.  It is not easy for us to look at ourselves in truth.  One of the most difficult sins to conquer is our pride and I am sure there is no complete demise of it in this world.  It creeps in to everything we do, even our best intentions and attempts.  Even when we manage to be humble, the minute we think we are, it is gone! "Humility, once you think you have it you have lost it."

We do not like to admit we are not perfect.  We are not even aware that we are blind to many of our sins; and we are terrified to look at our abortions.

 St Augustine says something like this about the sacrament of confession, "Before we go, we think no one knows, but we are only kidding ourselves.  The truth is, God already knows our sins.  The only person we are hiding them from is ourselves."

In John 8:32 we read: "The cross will draw you to live in the truth and the truth will set you free."  This is true with the cross of abortion.  It draws us to have to look at the truth if we hope to heal.

Being post abortive manifests itself in many different ways.  Humility acknowledges our need for God.  I did not want to need God or anyone else, why should I? When I really needed someone before my abortion, no one was there. · When I was depressed or struggling, I would isolate myself and wallow in self pity .I was centered on self.  I would lock myself in my room and not talk to anyone.  Satan vs.  God… despair vs.  hope.  I was unable to climb out of my pain and loathing.

Like Mary Magdalene, I needed to come to know God and His mercy before I could even begin to look at my sin.  It was only in the light of His love that I felt safe enough to look, but I was afraid.  I thought I had to fix everything and be perfect for God to love me. · I thought my sin was unforgiveable and I knew better than God.  I thought I could "make up" for my abortion… pray a lot… do good works, do good things, etc., etc..  But, the truth is, I can never make up for the sin of my abortion, but I do not have to – because He already has.

Healing is not about our feelings.  It is about trust.  Nothing good we do comes from us.  It is all God's grace.  If grace leaves, I am still capable of committing any of the sins I did before my conversion.  And, even worse, I am still the same sinner.  It is in acknowledging my weakness and sinfulness and knowing I am incapable of good that I am freed.  For it is only then that God can fill me with His life. 

Blessed PJPII says to us in the Gospel of Life that we should look at what happened and face it honestly.  It was and always will be terribly wrong.  But, he also says to look at the many influences and to come to know the Father of Mercies and the wound in your heart can heal.  By acknowledging what we did we are free to ask forgiveness from God, our children and ourselves.

With humility comes trust in God and His promises, a little at a time.  It is not about feeling, but about action.  It is understandable if we are afraid.  It is trust in His love that saves and heals us.  It is trust in His love that drives out fear, shame, and guilt and brings peace.