Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

This is a reflection I wrote in the spring of 2007 when my son Michael was serving as a 3ed Recon Marine in Fallujah, Iraq. In honor of Veterans Day, I thought I would reprint it, as we thank all our veterans  who sacrifice so much for us and pray for those currently serving and their families!

3rd Recon

As  I  have  mentioned  in  previous  newsletters,  I  currently  have  a son  Michael,  serving  in  the  Al  Anbar  province  of  Iraq  as  a  United States Recon Marine. It has been a real test of faith. I find I spend much of my time turning him over to the care of God, over and over, as  I  recognize  how  easily  I  take  him  back  from  God  in  my  heart.

Unbelievably, and I am sure until I die, there is still that prideful self that thinks I know better how to care for him. So many have said to me “I cannot imagine what it must be like to have a son at war.” To be sure, it is hard to put into words. “Surreal” often comes to mind. Life goes on as I pray for him and wonder what suffering he is experiencing. Recently in prayer, a visual description of my experience has come to me. I am walking the road to Calvary with Mary.

Some days I go willingly, trusting in God’s will for us, knowing no matter what happens, His desire is our salvation. Most days however, I feel Mary drags me along, telling me to proceed as she did, even in the midst of my fear. To trust, no matter how things appear.She asks me to love enough to be there for Mike, no matter what the cost. Some  days  I  feel  as  though  she  is  keeping  me  company  on  this  difficult  walk,  others  days,  that  I  am being  given  the  grace  to  keep  her  company.  To  share  in  her  sufferings,  as  her  Son  walks  the  road  to  the crucifixion.

I do not know how long she will ask me to accompany her. It may be that at the seventh station, I will get to go home. It may be that she will ask me to climb all the way to Calvary, and share in her sorrows as my son makes the ultimate sacrifice. I don’t know. What I do know, although I may not “feel” it, is that upon the cross of Calvary we find the deepest love possible.  The  love  of  God  for  each  one  of  us.  The  love  that  forgives  our  sins  and  makes  our  redemption possible.

You see, I have been to Calvary before. It is there I found healing from my abortion. It  is  there  I found  the  love  deep  enough  to  heal  the  wounds  from  my  lost  son, Joshua, who  I aborted when I was a teenager. It is there I surrendered to a God I know loves me and forgives me my sins.  And it is there He chose to die for them.

Human nature still makes me unwilling to walk the way of the Cross, but faith and trust in Christ’s love and mercy gives me the courage to continue in spite of my fears. I refuse not to trust, as I continue holding Mary’s hand as we mount the hill to Calvary, there to die to self, enabling us to share in His Resurrected life for eternity.