Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

I will never forget it. It had not been that long since I had returned to church and was truly learning about my faith for the first time.

Confused, and as I like to describe it “searching in the dark to find God”. I was still riddled with shame and guilt concerning my abortion and on my quest to come to know this Jesus, who I had been told was full of mercy, and not only could, but wanted to heal me.

As I sat at mass, still fearful that someone would find out what I had done, I heard the priest begin his homily. “What do you want to be when you grow up? a fireman ?, a teacher? , a nurse or doctor?”

I remember thinking it was strange because most of us were adults. Then, the priest paused for a while, and then said, “I want to be a tabernacle! I want to empty myself so Jesus can live in me. I want to love Him with my whole heart, and be a place of rest and safety for Him.”

I did not have a clue what that even meant, my relationship with Jesus was so new, just beginning, but I saw the genuine love and emotion on that priests face. I knew he truly meant it and was filled with love and peace as he continued to share his prayer. I also knew I wanted to feel that too. It gave me hope, that indeed this Jesus was merciful and forgiving, even for me.

All these years later, I still remember that homily as if it were yesterday. I cannot believe all that has happened since then and words could never express my gratitude to God for the many gifts and graces He bestows on me constantly.

Now when I a desire to be a tabernacle for the Lord, I like to think that my face would show the same emotions and love that that priest had when I first heard his homily. I know my “tabernacle” gets dirty, and in fact that I can only be that tabernacle by His grace, but I also know His understanding, patience and great mercy towards me. When the “dirt” of life piles up, I need only to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, emptying myself so that I can become a place of rest and safety for Him.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

(reprint)