Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

One thing I often see in ministry are people saying they are okay when in fact, they are not. I think there are different reasons for this, fear of being vulnerable, not being able to actually articulate what they are experiencing, even being "okay" in order to please those ministering to them. Sometimes there is an unspoken message that you are not allowed not to be okay. This is not of God!

Abortion is a complicated issue. It is often years before someone steps forward for help, and there are often many other issues surrounding the abortion. Healing takes time, and God in His infinite mercy wants to heal us to our core.

While there is nothing wanted more than your healing, we do not want you to profess it if you are still struggling with things from your abortion. Often time these issues come and go depending on your personal experience. We can be at peace with something for a while, only to have it resurface again. I know with myself, abandonment still reveals its ugly head at times, the difference between years ago and now, is that I am on the look out and can send it fleeing much sooner, while before my healing I immersed myself in it, unable to climb out of the dark hole it threw me into.

Perhaps your "thing" is being unable to forgive someone. Maybe you do not admit it because it makes you feel so unmerciful, but forgiveness is a process and a decision that often takes time through the grace of God. Maybe it is an addiction you are hiding, or promiscuity. Whatever the suffering it is important to be honest so that you get the help you need in order to heal.

Recently someone told me that they were told they should not talk about their abortion experience because they had gone to confession and were forgiven. Many who have experienced abortion denied its impact for years and need to speak about it. In The Gospel of Life, St John Paul II tells those of us who have experienced abortion:

I would now like to say a special word to women who have had an abortion. The Church is aware of the many factors which may have influenced your decision, and she does not doubt that in many cases it was a painful and even shattering decision. The wound in your heart may not yet have healed. Certainly what happened was and remains terribly wrong. But do not give in to discouragement and do not lose hope. Try rather to understand what happened and face it honestly.

In healing from an abortion experience it is crucial to understand and face it honestly, not only so it won't happen again, but also so we can identify our personal abortion connectors which in turn will allow us to move past them. 

For years those of us who have suffered from abortion have been told to" forget about it"," it is in your past", "move on". But for many, it is not in the past because it impacts all they do in the present. Yes, we need to claim our forgiveness in the sacrament of reconciliation because we are forgiven, but that does not mean we don't need to look at our experience so we can heal. It is only through working through it,  as St JP says, "facing it honestly", that in fact you will come to the point when you do not need to tell your story. Until then, it is okay,and those working with you should not make you feel wrong in doing so. Abortion is something we did, not who we are and we need to look at how we were living and decisions we made so that we can understand and not make the same mistakes.

Many of us also need to grieve the deep loss we perhaps, have held in our hearts for years.

It is okay if you're not okay.  God knows what you need more than you do. Entrust yourself to His care. Trust He is healing you one day at a time to your very core, because He is!. If you are not getting what you need where you are,  go someplace else! There are many great ministries out there, or, go to more than one ministry! 

Our God of mercy is longing to heal you, and He won't let you down!