Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

It has been my experience that when I am deeply hurt my heart becomes like a pressure cooker. I feel the need to vent, to get it out, and to be understood.

It can be so hard to put on Christ, not to get resentful and bitter and keep choosing to forgive as I know Christ would like me to. It is easy to get drawn into sin,to speak uncharitably about the source of my hurt and even in the midst of opening my mouth when I feel my guardian angel prompting me to close it , the words often just keep coming out. I choose love of “self” over the love of God, or, as St Paul tells us in Romans : "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

Of course, I always feel terrible after and make new resolutions not get drawn into the trap of sin, but unfortunately I often find myself in the same place, then filled with contrition for having fallen once again. I have given away a space for Gods love to satisfy my “self” but, of course, it never does. I always end up feeling worse.

Our wounds play a big part in our walking with Jesus and Mary. It is hard to break habits we may have been in the darkness about for years and if the hurts keep coming from same source it sometimes feels impossible to get beyond your “self” who seems to be crying out for survival.

The truth is we can’t do it without the grace of God. We are too weak, too wounded, unable to move past or offer up the suffering without Their help.

And so once again I run to His fountain of His mercy in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I express my true sorrow and promise to try once again. I will also try to keep myself from situations ( avoid the near occasions of sin)where this may happen and if it does, quickly hide under Mary’s mantle asking her assistance to do Gods will

Life is a fight against our “self”, but  it is also an acceptance of that wounded part of my self with all its weaknesses, brokenness and failings and laying it before them. Mary accompanies us and willingly provides what we need. May we stay in Their presence imploring Their assistance as we travel the road to Canaan.