Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

I wanted to just be with Them, sitting in Their love resting there.

I had it all planned out- I knew exactly what I wanted.

But God taught me a lot the past few days. He taught me we are always just one drop of grace away from a fall.

That without Him we truly are nothing, and only He does any good that is in us.

I had gone to confession in preparation for the retreat . I was all set, but then I fell ( nothing mortal but a choice of sin). I learned more deeply both my nature of sin but also the immensity of His love and mercy. 

Most of all I was so sad for hurting Him. 

When I went to mass the day I was leaving to go on retreat I was under seige by the devil who tried to tell me not to receive Jesus in the Eucharist.
I knew it was not a mortal sin I had committed but also knew very clearly I had said no to God. I was filled with sorrow and perhaps I needed a dose of humility .

I thought of St Therese and some things she had said and I knew I had to fight the feelings and receive- that I needed Him more than ever.  

Right after mass I was told there was a picture for me in the sancristy. I went to pick it up and what was it? A smiling photo of St Therese  had lent to someone!  It was as if she were telling me she was happy I had received.

However, I was determined to go to confession again if I could and so I searched for a place who would have confessions in the middle of the week and I found one. 
The entire experience was life altering in many ways. 

To see how close we always are to sin if left to our own devices.
To feel the remorse so deeply
To humble myself to go to confession again in just a day.

I felt like Mary brushed me off covered my mess and took me to Jesus in the sacrament of reconciliation to tell Him I was sorry. Instead of reproach,  I did not feel condemnation, but His massive love for me, Their patience. The truth of who I am but also the truth of who He is.  Instead of  the rejection I experienced from my family, I knew that They would never reject me or abandon me.
It was both painful because I had hurt them, but amazingly beautiful because I truly experienced Their love for us no matter where we are in life.

 

We often go searching for healing. We can frantically search for ways to feel better looking for something to make us feel ok instead of just staying still. They are here, right here, right now, and if we give ourselves to Them they will provide all we need, maybe not as quickly as we want, but They know better than us what it takes to heal us and bring us to Their love. 

 

Healing from abortion can be difficult. There are so many dynamics, many we may not even come to know until decades after our abortion , but  They know and They are always working with us.

They are always desiring our healing, always loving us . Mary is always leading us to her Son. 

 

Stay Still in the love of the heart of Jesus. Rest there…love Him and allow Him to love you .

Little by little you will see the change, not based on your emotions, but on a faith that stays steady because you know without a doubt

of Their love for you!