I remember when I was a kid there used to be a cartoon showing a person with an angel sitting on one shoulder and a devil on the other. It implied the struggle between right and wrong and your free will to make the decision.
I was thinking recently about how accurate that visual is when I apply it to the battles I have in my deeply wounded self. The part of me that has suffered multiple traumas and was left feigning for myself not even able to decipher which way to go. The part that was never given any direction and so often chose the wrong road leaving myself more wounded.
My journey to God and healing was not an easy one. There were numerous stones on my path, the consequences of a life of sin and the boulder of a past abortion.
Accepting the forgiveness and mercy of Christ was the easy part for me but I still had to work through the wounds and although I felt I trusted in God to a certain degree, I was still filled with self reliance- I could not get myself to let go of the reigns.
My consecration to Mary saved me in more ways than one. She grabbed me from the snares of the devil and lead me on my way. When I strayed she brought me back. She fought with me and for me and gave me the tools I needed to silence the devil on my shoulder that whispered into my ear.
For me it took many years before I let go of the reigns but she was patient with me. She wanted to show me Their love- Their love that was selfless, unconditional, and sacrificed unto death not for me alone but for each one of us. Their love freely given because I am their child.
There are still times I want to grab the reigns back and I am sure in this life there always will be. That devil still makes his appearance to try to discourage me and make me doubt, but I know now I don’t have to do it alone, they are with me leading me, loving me and no matter how I feel, that love never changes and it is always victorious.
Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion 