Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion

 I live in New York. Like millions of other Americans I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when we got attacked September 11^th, ten years ago.

 Along with a friend and some others I worked with at the time, we had crowded into the CEO’s office to watch TV . I will never forget watching the towers fall. Little did we know as we watched, that my friend Linda’s brother in law, John D’Allara, a transit policeman was in there attempting to rescue trapped victims. John left behind a wife and two small sons.

 Each year as we approach the anniversary it is really tough around here, we all seem to know someone who died and the families are part of our everyday communities, but I must admit, I forget, for them it is hard everyday.

As a daily communicant I attend the same mass each morning and tend to see the same people, some I know, and others who are strangers, although you feel like you know them because we are family in Christ. This morning, I learned that a man who sits just a pew behind me each day lost a brother on 9/11. He will be attending the memorial mass at St Patrick’s Cathedral on Sunday.  I am sure it will be a great comfort considering the fact that no clergy or first responders were invited to participate in the service at the site. An act that has brought much pain and division into our area.

 I could hear the pain in his voice as he told of his brother’s death, along with almost 3,000 others, and I could feel the loss. I also remembered what it connector it was for those of us who are post abortive and the fact that over 3,000 unborn babies die in the womb each day in our country. Some may say how can you compare, but is it really any different except that we somehow manage to excuse the deaths we cannot see….

 Anyway, I thought I would share something I wrote a few days after 9/11:

 9/14/01                                     Our Merciful God

 There is the presence of sadness everywhere in our country as we struggle to get on with our daily lives after the terrible attack of September 11^th. It is hard to get away from it. Even if we manage to be distracted from it for a while, it is lurking in the recesses of our minds…a constant emptiness, a deep loss, horror, and a lack of control over our present circumstances.

 It is a call to a deep trust in God. A testing of our faith in the midst of the darkness that has invaded our lives. Do I really believe in His promises? Do I really trust in His mercy? Am I really following Him in my life? Am I constantly trying not to offend Him and to be grateful for the great gifts He has given me, both personally and to our country?

 I know for myself, the feelings are very reflective of those I had after my abortion. The pain and uncertainty, the temptations to depression and despair. The feelings of abandonment and indescribable loss. The aching emptiness, anxiety and fear. When I hear the horrific tales of body parts I cringe. Although we are told we could not imagine it, my first thought to this was “Oh yes I can, I saw my aborted son.”

 In the field of post abortion these associations are called “abortion connectors” and everyone who has experienced the death of their child in this way has them, whether conscious of them or not. For years most of us buried them in the recesses of our minds not knowing why we reacted to certain things the way we did. Sooner or later it is important to acknowledge their presence. To validate their existence. When experiencing an additional trauma like the one our country is experiencing, it is important to separate the two. To look at the feelings and see what belongs to the present and what belongs to the past, and to work through each, putting them in their proper perspective.

 For me, this time it is much different and I am eternally grateful. I have been enveloped in the mercy of God in the healing of my abortion and no one can take that away from me. It gives me the strength and courage to know, that even though we as a country have turned our backs on God as I did with my abortion, He is still there.

 In the midst of our sinfulness, He is calling us back to Him. He is still mercy itself. All we need do is gaze upon him in humility and trust. To have contrition for our sins and gratitude for His many gifts to us. To trust in His love, knowing He judges us according to His ways not ours. Just as He longs to heal the broken heart of abortion, He longs to heal our nation and just as He can bring good out of the terrible sin of abortion He is bringing good out of this terrible evil as evidenced by the many volunteering and the unity we are experiencing as a nation.

 May we all practice our faith in the midst of this darkness knowing, no matter what, He will never abandon us.