I have spent a great deal of time working through forgiveness in relation to my abortion. Forgiveness of those who coerced me, those involved, and of course myself for caving in to the pressures. It is always so easy in the aftermath to play the “would have, could have, should have “, tapes. What was in darkness and confusion comes into the light if you allow it to through God’s grace,
Forgiveness is not a one-time deal. It is a decision often to be made repeatedly, one that can be so challenging especially for ongoing hurts and betrayals
As I have moved closer to the heart of Christ, His words have taken on deeper meaning, and He has challenged me to grow in love. To be love and mercy to those who have hurt me deeply like He is love and mercy to me.
It’s not easy -I can’t do it no matter how often or how much I try. in fact, I would say it is humanly impossible. I think in my self-reliance without realizing it, I have not wanted to admit or need Him to do it. My pride wanted me to be able to do it on my own- to say, “I have forgiven.” But the truth is I can’t forgive, only Jesus can forgive them in me. His life in me.
I continue to work on this total surrender. To trust enough to keep finding Him in this wound that continues to go deeper as I grow closer to Him. To step out in trust that He will never betray me or abandon me. That He will be there with me despite any feelings that may arise.
And so, I continue to pray for the grace and the gift of forgiveness, that I may pour out my hurts leaving me empty so I can be filled with His compassion and mercy even for those that caused the wounds, just like Jesus and Mary have done for me.
Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion 