Something hit me today that I never really realized before. Father’s Day is as painful for me as Mother’s Day has been, although for different reasons. Mother’s Day because of my abortion, Father’s Day because my father was never really there for me and coerced me into the abortion, and then of course, there was my husband who was never a father to our children. The magnitude of the absence and abandonment of a father is something I am realizing I never really grieved. Funny how God keeps peeling back the layers to bring healing…there is always a deeper layer…deeper and deeper.
Today in church the priest gave a homily about perceptions and how as babies and children we learn to trust and love by the protection and guidance of our parents. Then, somewhere along the line, because of life experiences we think we know better and begin to trust more in ourselves. He used the analogy to show how this is often our relationship with God as well.
The homily got me thinking about how some people never had that and are never taught to trust or love. How their experiences with their parents may have often taught them the complete opposite. The parents who did not love or who were not there in difficult situations to protect, causing the child to depend on themself although they had no life experience and often then made poor choices.
Both bring about self reliance but while the first, hopefully in time, will bring them back to the love and protection of God through the example of their parents, the second one it can often take a lifetime to learn you can trust God and then with difficulty step by step, allow Him to direct your life knowing you have never been and are not alone, that He is with you. It is an act of the will- a conscious effort- to let go and trust despite any feelings or fears you may have.
After decades of life, I myself still struggle with trust. Even though I know I can trust God who has been so good to me the survival mode of so many years still kicks in- saying “don’t trust”. It can very often be an act of the will that allows me to trust, a constant act of reminding myself that His care, His goodness and His love for me are real. That He will never abandon me.
Blessed Father’s Day to all fathers physical and spiritual. Those who loved and those who did not know how to love for whatever reason. I especially remember today those who have lost a child to abortion. May you feel their presence in our sacrament of love, the Eucharist!
We all come from different kinds of relationships in this life, some filled with love, others abandoned, abused, and lacking in love, but we all have one thing in common, we are loved and cherished by God our Father who patiently awaits us all. Our God, who knows what we each need and calls us to Himself waiting to embrace us with His love which does not fail.
Reclaiming Our Children: A Blog About Healing After Abortion 