- Understanding: Deepening one’s grasp of the truths of faith and the meaning of Scripture.
I had a profound experience recently. As has been the case, I continue to increase in self knowledge as I grow in relationship with God.
It is not easy to see yourself in truth and admit how very broken you are. As someone who has lived my life as self reliant because of the traumas I have experienced , it has been very striking to see the countless ways those traumas and my attempts at protecting myself have in fact kept me from totally surrendering to the will of God.
It is a constant struggle but one I know He understands. He knows the desires of my heart and how much I want to surrender to Him. Recently it struck me, Sometimes it feels like I’m hanging on so I tight trying to control life so I don’t get crushed again that it can be a bondage, an obstacle to truly living in the love of God and His joy and freedom
One particular night I was crushed by all I saw in my life, things I did not want to look at- how I hurt myself but also how I hurt Him.
I felt there was nothing left and was totally aware I could not do it. I went to bed empty of my “self” just trying to stay still
Then in the middle of the night I woke up with the hymn “Come Holy Ghost” playing in my head. It was not the season but it was just there, and suddenly all the words came alive for me. Here was His gift to us/ the answer, our help the Paraclete He sent to do it for us.
you Holy Spirt must come, you must fill the space in my heart with your gifts, with your grace.empty my heart of all that is not you
Thank you for allowing me to see myself in truth.
There was a desperation
A truly knowing my brokenness and that I can never do it
I am sure there is more to see but it’s ok
In many ways seeing the truth has become a gift a reminder I can’t do it but I don’t have to
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